Dealing with Menopausal Anger and Rage

Wondering why you're so angry during menopause? ✔️ Here's what's happening and how to manage those emotions to feel more in control.

MENOPAUSAL MENTAL HEALTHMENOPAUSAL SYMPTOMS

Kennerly Clay

6/26/20245 min read

the word rage written in capital letters on a wall

Why am I so angry in menopause?

Menopause is a significant life transition that can make you feel like you're losing your fucking marbles. Along with a bevy of symptoms that set you back on a daily basis often comes intense anger and rage.

For now, it helps to understand the source of your anger. Whether you've got unresolved issues that surge during menopause, or you're coping with menopause depression, it's critical to come up with ways to navigate this flood of feelings before they overtake you. Menopause and mental health are often intertwined.

Like when you scream so loud at your kids your throat hurts for days or you've just snapped so hard on your partner it's like a decade of resentment has been unleashed (which sounds about right when it comes to menopause).

Keep in mind that symptoms like rage and anger - often downplayed as the menopausal symptom of "irritability" - can lead to increased feelings of helplessness and self-doubt, all of which can trigger depression in women who may be more susceptible to it.

Three primary factors contribute to increased feelings of anger in menopause: sociological, physical, and psychological. Research indicates that societal norms and expectations around aging and menopause can exacerbate these feelings. A study published in the Journal of Women & Aging found that societal attitudes towards menopause often contribute to negative self-perception, further increasing emotional distress and irritability.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States.

How to deal with menopausal rage

Find humor in menopausal anger. This infographic shows what it looks like to take the high road - or embrace the low one.

infographic on dealing with menopausal rage

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The angry menopausal woman

In the menopausal years (usually between 45 and 55 years old), we're at a stage when we're balancing careers as well as caregiving responsibilities for aging parents and perhaps even supporting grown children. This multi-faceted pressure can lead to frustration and anger. Menopausal rage is how many women describe it.

Not to mention, we're suddenly aware of not giving a shit about what anybody else wants anymore. If you're in a relationship, it's possible that you'll be triggered beyond imagination, realizing all the things you've been tolerating, what you've put up with for years, and what you can't stand anymore. And chances are, you're probably getting vocal about it, or at least visibly agitated, if not completely melting down and screaming until your lungs ache. Moods that swing, indeed.

Yup, welcome to menopausal rage, a common complaint during these turbulent times. Renowned author Dr. Christiane Northrup says, regarding menopause, "Certain areas of the brain, such as the amygdala and the hippocampus are important for encoding and retrieving memories. They are also rich in estrogen, progesterone, and GnRH receptors, the hormones that fluctuate the most during perimenopause. This is why menopausal hormonal changes bring a woman’s anger to conscious awareness."

Hormones and menopausal rage

Then throw in the hormonal havoc - the physical aspect - contributing to mood fluctuations. The decline in estrogen and progesterone levels can have a pronounced impact on neurotransmitters in the brain, which regulate mood. Research indicates that these hormonal fluctuations are directly associated with increased irritability, anxiety, and yes, even anger. The sudden drops in estrogen, in particular, affect serotonin levels, leading to mood swings and heightened emotional responses. Your mental health could be seriously at stake in menopause.

Mental health history in menopause

Psychologically, menopause can exacerbate pre-existing mental health conditions. If you have a history of anxiety, depression, or other mood disorders, you may find your symptoms worsen during menopause. The North American Menopause Society points out that the psychological impacts of menopause are significant and often under-recognized. Their research shows a clear link between menopause and increased prevalence of mood disorders, which can manifest as anger and irritability.

Certain areas of the brain, such as the amygdala and the hippocampus are important for encoding and retrieving memories. They are also rich in estrogen, progesterone, and GnRH receptors, the hormones that fluctuate the most during perimenopause. This is why menopausal hormonal changes bring a woman’s anger to conscious awareness.
- Dr. Christiane Northrup

Recognizing symptoms of menopausal rage and anger

One of the most noticeable physical symptoms of menopausal anger is an increased heart rate. This can often come on suddenly and may be accompanied by sweating and hot flashes. As your whole being is overtaken by the rapid onset of warmth, usually most intense over the face, neck, and chest, it's no wonder you're a hot, raging, fucking mess.

Reactivity, tantrums and outbursts

Menopausal rage manifests as heightened irritability and frequent outbursts of anger. You might find yourself reacting more intensely to situations that previously would have been minor annoyances. The fun thing is, these outbursts can come with little to no warning, often leaving those around you bewildered and hurt. Feelings of intense frustration are also common as you struggle to understand why you're freaking the fuck out while at the same time feeling profoundly vindicated at the outburst.

Needless to say, these rage symptoms can significantly impact your daily life, affecting personal relationships, work, and overall quality of life. It's not uncommon to find yourself arguing more frequently with your partner or becoming easily annoyed with your children. At work, sudden anger or irritability can strain relationships with colleagues and supervisors, leading to feelings of self-doubt and dis-ease, and at the very least, a less harmonious work environment. Such challenges can further compound feelings of frustration and isolation, creating a cycle that's hard to break without proper understanding and support.

I remember many times during the perimenopausal years, while dealing with chronic pain and a cycle of pain-anxiety-depression, needing to just remove myself from my family, from the world. Coping with life and other people felt like a monumental challenge. I often hid out in my bedroom with the door locked, just so I could sequester myself from the day to day. If you're dealing with menopausal depression and rage on this level, I totally feel you. And please - take care of yourself. Pull back in any way you need to in order to get through this.